Odyssey of a Neophyte Researcher

Nancy Frank
University of Denver
 

Introduction

The United States educates more foreign students than any other country in the world accounting for nearly one third of all students worldwide who study abroad. Of the total population (245,920) of international students studying in the U.S. in 1992, almost 59 percent came from Asia (Watkins, 1992). In that year, the largest single group of international scholars came from Mainland China (43,000), and of this total, approximately 93% were pursuing graduate level programs.

A large number of research projects have explored the role of the international student in American higher education programs, but few of these studies have focused on Mainland Chinese scholars and those which do have focused primarily on cultural adjustment issues (LI Li, 1993, Naa-Awaa, 1993, Zhang, 1990, Ye, 1992). A preliminary review of the literature has revealed that while the percentage of Chinese women scholars in the U.S. has grown dramatically over the past twenty years (Li Li, 1993), there are no research studies focusing specifically on them or their unique sojourn experiences. The absence of research has created a hush in the academic community; the voice of the female Chinese scholar is silent.

Patton (1990) posits that we express respect for and concern about others by learning about them, their perspective, and their world. This study endeavors to give voice to the experiences of Chinese women scholars in U.S. graduate programs; thereby, promoting increased knowledge and greater understanding within the academic community toward them.

The purpose of this paper is twofold: first, to provide a concise description of this research study and its results and second, to take the reader on a journey filled with failures and successes, with wrong turns and redirections, with doubts and assurances -- the Odyssey of a Neophyte Researcher. In order to guide the reader along these two intertwining paths, I will precede and follow the personal comments dealing with my journey as a researcher with a series of asterisks *************.

This study is phenomenological in that it commits to understanding the "lived experience" of Chinese women studying in American graduate programs (Patton, 1990).

Purpose of the Study

The overall purpose of this study was to answer the research question: "What is the experience of Mainland Chinese women in American graduate programs?" Thus, a series of in-depth, open-ended interviews were conducted with three Chinese women who had studied or were studying in graduate programs in the U.S. I was particularly interested in the challenges faced by these participants and their reactions to these challenges.

The following research questions guided the data collection:

  1. What motivated the participants to leave China to study in the U.S.?
  2. What challenges did they encounter on their sojourn?
  3. How did they respond to these challenges?
  4. Which of these responses were helpful and which were not?
*************When I chose to study women from another culture, I was keenly aware that I would be attempting to understand the participants from a disparate cultural and world view. I began by asking myself many questions. How could I, a white middle-class American woman, cross cultural boundaries and see the world through the eyes of these Chinese women sojourners? Even if I could accomplish this challenging task, would I be able to represent their lives in a way that would ensure that the members of my own culture would have a greater knowledge and understanding of them and their stories?

With these questions in mind, I began to look for other researchers who had either accomplished such a feat or at least believed that it was possible. It was then that the timeless debate regarding the role of the researcher in qualitative research came to life for me. Many noted qualitative theorists believe that the researcher must know her own mindset, values, and biases before she can begin to understand the world of others (Agar, 1980; Ball, 1990; Rubin & Rubin, 1995). Knowing self as researcher is vital whether or not the researcher is from the same culture, social economic group, or gender as the participant.

There are many categoricalists that argue that cross-category research by its very nature is inadequate and distorted (Ball, 1990). They believe that men should not interview women or whites should not interview blacks. On the other hand, there are those that believe that there are certain advantages to crossing categories (Ball, 1990).

Armed with these insights, I determined that I needed the following criteria in order to effectively collect, analyze, and interpret data from the Chinese participants that I wanted to study:

  1. To have a clear understanding of myself as a researcher. To know my own cultural biases, prejudices, and world view.
  2. To be aware of how my own cultural world view compared or contrasted to the Chinese world view.
  3. To be clear about my motivations for doing cross-cultural research.
  4. Personal, first hand experience of the Chinese culture and many relationships with Chinese women.
  5. A trusting and dynamic relationship with a Chinese woman that could help me understand both the Chinese culture and the sojourn experience.
  6. A collaborative approach which would allow the participants to give valuable feedback on my interpretation of the data.
  7. An open mind which constantly challenges my own preconceptions, cultural biases, and interpretations of data.
Fortunately, I had lived and taught in China for two years, had many Chinese female friends, was aware of many of the world view differences and similarities, and had a close Chinese friend, who was interested in my research and willing to be my key informant. These factors were instrumental in my decision to pursue cross-cultural research. *********************

Conceptual Framework

Wei Ji

The Chinese character for "crisis", wei ji, is made up of two parts: the first part, wei, represents danger and the second, ji, represents opportunity (Aguilera & Messick, 1982). Within the Chinese character wei ji implies the potential for positive human growth in every crisis situation.

The conceptual framework I used to understand and organize the experiences of the participants comes from a paradigm developed by Aguilera and Messick (1982). This theory considers the effect of balancing factors in a stressful event. "Whenever a stressful event occurs, there are certain recognized balancing factors that effect a return to equilibrium: these are the perception of the event, available situational supports, and coping mechanisms" (Aguilera & Messick, 1982, p. 64). If these three factors operate effectively then the result is a resolution of a challenging issue and a regained state of equilibrium. If, for any reason, one or more balancing factors is inadequate, the result may be lack of resolution and the continuance of disequilibrium leading to crisis.

The direction of the interview questions reflects my attempt to use the aforementioned paradigm to understand the participantsí experience. While allowing the participants to freely choose the issues they wished to address, I probed for more information regarding these issues using the stressful event framework. First, I asked for their perception of the issue followed by how they coped, their available support systems, and their satisfaction or dissatisfaction with the outcomes.

Method

Selection of Participants

*************Having taught English in China on four separate occasions, I am familiar with the Chinese norm which discourages the sharing of personal information outside the immediate family or close circle of friends. Indeed, in Mainland China, "revealing thoughts to strangers or people outside the circle can be problematic or even dangerous" (Li Li, 1992, p.40).

When making sampling decisions, the closed group cultural practice was a natural concern. In particular, I was concerned about how the participants would respond to being interviewed by an outsider. Whether they would withhold deeply personal information or offer only what they thought I wanted to hear? *********************

Based on these questions and knowledge of Chinese cultural norms, I decided to use a form of snowball sampling (Patton, 1990). My key informant, Jin, a close personal friend with whom I have a strong level of trust and deep level of sharing, was my first interviewee. I asked her to be the gatekeeper to the other participants. This method proved extremely helpful as she was not only willing to introduce me to the other women, but also able to reassure them about my character, trustworthiness, and the integrity of the research intentions. Through her efforts on my behalf, I was easily able to establish rapport with the other participants.

Description of Participants

I interviewed three Chinese women scholars all living in the same town in Oklahoma. Two of them have been in the U.S. for several years and intend to reside here permanently. They have jobs in local colleges, and their immediate family members are living with them. The third participant is currently working on a Masterís degree and intends to return to China when it is completed. Unlike the other two women, her husband and child are still in China, and her level of acculturation is not as advanced.

The first participant, Jin, is thirty-eight years old, married to a Chinese man, Jim, and they have an eleven year old son, John. Jin came to the U.S. from a large Chinese coastal city in 1990 to study for a Masterís degree in Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL). Jin has an undergraduate degree in English from a Chinese university and taught college English for six years in China. She and Jim have recently received a green card, an immigration status which allows them to work and eventually apply for U.S. citizenship. She has not returned to China since arriving in the U.S. seven years ago. Jin is very intelligent and scored very high marks on the Test of English as a Second Language (TOEFL), a test that all international students must pass in order to study in U.S. colleges or universities.

The second participant, Karen, is approximately forty years old, married to a Chinese engineer, and they have two children. She came to the U.S. in 1983 to study for a masterís degree in TESL. While she was in China, she was an English instructor at a northeastern university. She finished her Masterís degree in 1985, and began working on a doctorate degree. She completed her Ph.D. and is currently teaching Chinese, as well as directing a language laboratory at a local community college.

The third participant, Xiao Li, is thirty-eight years old, married to a Chinese man who teaches high school in China. They have a young son who is living with his father in China. In 1995, Xiao Li came to the U.S. on a visitorís visa in order to care for her brotherís children. Subsequently, she decided to pursue a masterís degree in TESL at a private university in Oklahoma. Before coming to the U.S., she was a college English teacher in China. Unlike the other two participants, Xiao Li has not yet finished her degree, her family is still in China, and she will return to China upon completion of her degree.

Data Collection

Guided by my research questions and the phenomenological goal of understanding the participantsí "lived experience", I chose in-depth interviewing as the method of data collection. In an effort to allow the participants the freedom to respond without constraint, I used open ended questioning techniques. "The basic thrust of qualitative interviewing is to minimize the imposition of predetermined responses when gathering data" (Patton, 1990, p.295). Open-ended questioning allowed the participants to express the areas that were important to them and also facilitated my goal to understand the participantsí experience from their own perspective.

*************Prior to the interviews, I was still concerned that the participants would have difficulty opening up to me as an outsider. I began to consider culturally congruent ways that would allow them to open up to me in a non-threatening way, and I came upon the idea of story-telling. Since story-telling is a perfected art in China, I decided to ask the participants to tell a story about a fictitious Chinese woman scholar, Xiao Zhang, who came to the U.S. to study. The participants could project their own stories onto Xiao Zhang without the stigma that might come from being interviewed by an outsider. I believed that this idea had all the cultural congruency that my western stressful event theory lacked.

However, when I asked Jin, my key informant, about the idea, she did not think it was necessary and that it might be confusing to the participants. Reluctantly, I followed her advice, and she proved to be right. My participants had no difficulty opening up or telling me their own stories. I tried the story-telling technique only once with Jin. Although she began to open up very well, after a short while she wanted to "stop pretending" and tell her own story.

Another suggestion that Jin made which was congruent with the Chinese culture was to spend time before the interview sharing personal interests and family information with the two participants that I did not know. This informal time together helped to established an intimate tone for the interviewing process and seemed to put both the participant and myself at ease.

In fact, one participant, Xiao Li, brought pictures of her family and her college in China to share with me. It is traditional in Chinese culture to share family photos with an honored guest when they visit you in your home. I sensed that Xiao Li was welcoming me into her private life with her photos. The photos foreshadowed the impending level of intimacy between us during the interview. Although unprepared, I had a few photos with me and reciprocated in the sharing process. This mutual self-disclosure created trust and openness between us and lessened the distance between researcher and participant. *********************

I began the interviews by asking "When did you first have the idea or dream to come to America?" I then asked a series of open-ended and probing questions following the lead of the participants. As the interviews progressed, I asked for clarification and greater in-depth responses from the participants.

Each initial tape-recorded interview lasted approximately one hour not including preliminary introductions and the aforementioned getting acquainted time. After these interviews were completed, transcribed, and analyzed, I held a second interview with Jin and Xiao Li. The focus of the second interview was to clarify points that had been mentioned in the first interview and to understand the participantís perception of her success in graduate school, and what she believed contributed to that success.

Analysis of Data

*************It was not until I began the analysis phase of the research that I realized that I had chosen the stressful event framework out of my own cultural bias. Because stressful event theory is widely accepted in the West, I assumed that it would be a good way to examine, analyze, and interpret the challenges faced by my participants in their sojourn in American universities. I allowed stressful event theory to permeate the probing questions of the interviews looking for the participantsí perceptions of an event, how they coped, and what types of support they encountered.

While the application of stressful event theory seemed innocuous, eventually it forced the data into a prescribed organization that was not only Western, but slightly incongruent with the Chinese beliefs regarding endurance in stressful circumstances. As a neophyte researcher, I had fallen short of the goal of being cognizant of how my own cultural views contrasted with those of my participants. Eventually this blunder led to frustration during the analysis and interpretation phase of the research process. I realized that my data fit neatly into Western stressful event theory, but like pounding a square peg into a round hole, there were a lot of little pieces that just didnít fit. From a cross-cultural perspective, I needed to know the Chinese perspective of stressful events in order to understand my participantsí experiences more fully.

Unfortunately, I didnít realize this cultural faux pas until after I had done the first round of interviewing and analysis. On the other hand, in an effort to understand how my participants might view a stressful situation from the Chinese perspective, I had the opportunity to reinterview my key informant. Through some outside reading and this interview, I came upon the Chinese virtue of ren or endurance.

Ren

The virtue of ren, endurance, is highly valued among the Chinese. " The dictionary definition is ëto endureí but more telling than the English definition is the ideogram: the cutting edge of a sword above a heart" (Bao-Lord, 1990, p. 73). The proper way to ren is passed down from parent to child, and as my key informant pointed out, is a quality that is highly prized especially for women. It is a cultural belief that difficult circumstances are a natural part of life, and if one endures them humbly, without complaint, then she will overcome the circumstances and, perhaps, be rewarded in the end.

My own cultural belief about stressful events is in contrast to the concept of ren. When difficulties occur in my life, I believe that there must be a way to change or overcome the circumstances in order to make life better and less stressful. For me to endure without complaint is not as valued as creative problem solving. This concept of ren was a valuable discovery for it enabled me to understand the participants more fully. *********************

I analyzed the data using a grounded theory method (Strauss & Corbin, 1990) After transcribing the interviews, I began the process of open coding by looking for themes that emerged from the data. I identified 27 themes in the data which included such categories as cultural differences, loneliness, financial problems, motivations and spirituality.

Next, I collapsed these themes into the framework of the stressful event theory: a) the participantís perception of the event, b) her coping strategies, c) the available support, and d) whether or not she felt success in dealing with the event. I identified three common stressful events: (a) the decision to leave a child in China while studying in the United States, (b) the anxiety experienced as a result of being separated from family, and (c) education shock.

I determined the participantsí perceptions of each stressful event by looking at the language they used to describe the event. Since two of the participants were relating situations that had taken place several years prior to the interview, I asked them to recall what they were thinking during the time that the event took place.

I identified five coping strategies used by the participants while dealing with these stressful events. These were (a) self-talk, (b) help seeking, (c) working hard, (d)endurance or ren, and (e) comparing new issues to past situations or yang cha dui. Available support came from family (extended and immediate), friends, university peers, professors, and foreign student advisors.

Findings and Discussion

*************While writing the findings of this study, I was faced with several decisions. First, I began with small excerpts of data that supported each theme. However, I realized that while the participantsí stories were charged with energy, these smaller excerpts were not. Since my goal was to present the voices of the participants, I was faced with a dilemma. How could I maintain the integrity of their voices and stories, but still provide the evidence needed to support my analysis? I solved this dilemma by including longer portions of text that supported multiple themes rather than extracting shorter portions to validate a single theme. Consequently, the longer portions, will allow the reader greater insight into the emotional nature of the participantís experience as well as facilitating the flow of the narrative.

Another important decision was to retain the use of the Chinese language for such concepts as wei ji, ren and yang cha dui. I did this for my Chinese readers since these words evoke for them a unique meaning that cannot be translated literally into English. *********************

In this section, I will discuss the three common stressful events encountered by the participants: (a) the decision to leave a child, (b) separation anxiety, and (c) education shock. Interwoven in the discussion of these events, I will discuss how they coped with them, and the support they received during them. I will also discuss a unique perception and coping mechanism called yang cha dui or the participantsí comparison of studying in a foreign country to their reeducation process during the cultural revolution and its importance to the participants as a coping mechanism. Please note that I have chosen to maintain the authenticity of the participantís use of English language in the quotations.

The Decision to Leave a Child in China

Most of the married women scholars who come to America to study are faced with the extremely difficult decision to leave their spouse, family, or child in China. Due to financial and visa constraints, bringing their family with them is impossible until after they have studied in the U.S. for several semesters. Many times it is impossible even then. Often a mother must choose between the opportunity to study abroad or becoming pregnant, aborting an existing pregnancy or leaving a baby behind in China. Karenís story vividly illustrates her struggle with all these choices.

I guess I should tell you a little bit before it I made the decision to come over. We were married at that time and I know I was preparing to go to study abroad. So whether to have a child or not to have a child is such a big decision. Ö I donít want to have a child since Iím going to study and we both agree on that. But accident happened. So now weíre getting more difficult situation that I was pregnantÖ.The one thing immediately come to our mind is that abortion. You know here abortion in America is such a term you donít want to talk about it. But in China thatís just a normal thing. Of course family planning is one the big things in China.

Itís not definite that Ö that they had already accept me. I was planning to go but I donít know yet for sure. So that makes a harder decision. If I knowÖ they accept probably I would get abortion immediatelyÖ

 Karen was faced with a dilemma, to keep the pregnancy or abort it. Karenís family was instrumental in both shaping her perceptions of and resolving this issue. They helped to convince her that she should keep the baby assuring her that they would care for it if she was accepted at a university in the States. Then we think about that but still itís a very hard thing for us to do. We are in the age, we are 27 - 26 that time. Then we talked to our family. Talked to my family and his family. His family, his sister is more for to get an abortion, too. My family, my sister and my mother they says, "No. youíre such age. That 27 - 28 is a big age for Chinese. The right age to have children. If you have children after 30 something, you have problem. So they said, "Well, you will plan what things to do and then if you have the children so we will take care".

I was planning everything. Sent application things like that. And then my family said just donít worry about it. Donít get an abortion. Have it. Because youíre not 100% sure youíre going to study abroad. If you do actually get it so then donít worry, we take care of the children.

My mother and father at that time were in their early 60ís in good health. All my siblings are grown up. They have their children already so they donít have much responsibility. So they were willing to help if I did go abroad to study. And my sister and sister-in-law and brother they all support that idea that planning to go to study abroad and plan to have children at the same time, too. See during the pregnancy I would think of yes, I want to study abroad. I want to have a baby. I want both.

 As Karen bonds to her new baby, she experiences both the joy of new motherhood and agony at the prospect of making a choice between her child and her dream to study abroad if she is accepted. I guess for mother after baby is born total different. The first time you experience the joy of having baby and you just feel so attached to baby. You feel such affection to the baby. Nothing else can be compared. I just at times wish, "Oh! I wish they donít accept me. I wish I donít get a scholarship." So thatís all I wish for.

But during the month, you see Chinese have a custom when you have baby. Itís called zou yue ze Yue is the month, right? Zou yue ze is sit the month. You donít do anything the whole monthÖ.All the mother-in-law wait on you or mother or sister wait on me. You sit in the bed and take care of baby. Thatís called "sit the month". So all that month I was waiting. Oh! I donít want to be accepted. I just donít want to get scholarship.

 However, Karen was accepted shortly after the baby was born, and she faced a second choice even more difficult than the first. Should she accept the scholarship and leave her newborn child for her parents to raise, or give up a once in a life-time opportunity to study abroad? Ö out of the blue, he [her husband] came back the next week with all this information. " Look, you got accepted. You got all this." I was crying! No, I donít want to go. And then he said, " See, you went all through this trouble get the scholarship and being accepted is not easy and well, we shouldnít give up." I had a hard time that time since then. Of course after a few weeks everything calmed down. I was preparing to leave. When asked how she finally made the decision to leave her child behind and go to America, she said: My husbandís support and my familyís support. [They told her] "This is such an opportunity you cannot miss it. You will regret if you miss it." I guess I know my daughter will be in good hand. My mother is very good taking care of children so they told me you shouldnít worry about it, we will take better care of than you do. I decided, of course, I go in August. My daughter was born in February, and I came here in August. The choice that Karen made, although unique, is not uncommon to the other participants that I interviewed. The choice to leave a child in China is one of the first stressful events that the participants faced before leaving to study in the United States. Like Karen, who dealt with this event with the support and help of her family, Xiao Li was able to make the choice to leave her young child in China because of her husbandís support of her secret dream to study in America. Xiao Li states: I told my husband, "Do you think I study here is better or not?"[Her husband said] "I will also support you. You want to go to America to study. Though we share secret for quite a long time, I know your hope. I support you. In contrast to the other two participants, Jin was able to make the decision to leave her five-year old son in China because of her dream for a better life for their family. Although her decision was very painful, hope for the future gave her courage. When asked about her decision to leave, Jin states: It was very difficult to leave him. Because he was so young and he needed me and his health was not very good and had trouble eating food and we always had to do a lot of work. So anyway, heís a demanding child, but I knew that. I just believed that they could join me pretty soon. I hoped that as soon as I came here, I would started to get them here. I start the process to try to help them, to get them here. So, I was determined to start a new life partly itís for him. So thatís what kept me going and kept me making these decisions. From what well do these women draw the courage to make such a decision? Where do they get the hope that they need to continue in the struggle that lies ahead? In order to understand the Chinese woman scholar, the academic community needs to hear what they have sacrificed and what they have left behind in order to be educated in America.

Separation Anxiety

 Having arrived in the United States to begin their studies, these women were constantly reminded of the choice they made to leave their child behind in China. They regularly experienced loneliness and guilt when their child faced physical illness or emotional upheavals without them. Xiao Li told about her son crying for her, and the pain she experienced as a result of being separated from him.

[Her husband said] "Your son he needs you very much. He always cry in the afternoon, ëWhen my mother can come home?í" I cannot bear that! As mentioned earlier, support is one of the necessary balancing factors needed in order to avoid a crisis during a stressful event. Xiao Liís husband provided this support for her through his reassurance and encouragement. But my husband said, "I will take care of him. No matter how hard it is, you stay at the United States. I support you." So I think many, many times when I came here. When I think about my son. Thought about my son and my husband, cried many, many times. Karen also experienced separation anxiety and guilt when her baby daughter was sick with pneumonia. But I remember once my little girl was a few months old ÖI donít remember how old she was she has pneumonia, and my husband wrote to me and I feel so sad. And I also couldnít sleep the whole night I just tossed in bed, this way and that way. I just couldnít [pause] couldnít sleep. She has to be hospitalized for the pneumonia. I was just so sad. I just couldnít fall asleep [pause] toss this way, that way. I feel ..ohÖI feel guilty at the same time. Iím not with her. My mother, her parents have to take care of her and all this or that. She coped with her stress and guilt by becoming involved in her studies and "getting started into the swing" as she called it. But then once you get started into the swing, you just forgetÖ.And of course I missed my family when I not think about school. But then once you start you have quiz, you have test, you forget all that. And then you study all the time, in other words, you donít have much free time to think about it. But of course you still think. Karen also experienced support from her friends and professors in the U.S. They encouraged her by telling her that she is "doing the right thing" and advised her to stay busy. During stressful circumstances, the participants reported that they "worked hard" which supports the Chinese perspective that difficult times are a natural part of life and in order to survive them, one must work hard and endure. I guess friends always help. I talked to the professors and friends and they say, "Well, youíre doing the right thing. You study here and thereís nothing you can do. So donít think about it." And that helps. And also the study. Being busy also help you, too. Like Karen, Jin reiterates the themes of hard work and support as balancing factors while she is foreseeing the difficulties she will encounter during the year of separation from her family. I liked to work, I can work very hard, I donít mind working hard. And I just believed that through my hard-working, I can have better life for me and for my family. And of course I was sad to leave my family behind, but I know that they are supporting me and they love me all the time. And they support me, and they know I made the right choice. So I was pretty peaceful, not very troubled. In sum, separation from family was stressful for all three participants. Each participant experienced some type of support from husbands, family, friends, and professors during this difficult time. Both Karen and Jin reported that they coped successfully by staying busy and working hard.

Education Shock

The third salient issue discussed by the participants was their difficulty adjusting to the American academic culture. The issues that they dealt with can be labeled education shock, a phrase coined by Hoff (1979), to describe a special kind of culture shock affecting students studying in foreign educational institutions. Education shock is characterized by anxiety, feelings of isolation, and a clash of expectations (Hoff, 1979). It occurs as a result of living and studying in a classroom culture that is not only unfamiliar, but also, at times, in direct conflict with the classroom norms of the home country. Sometimes education shock can be as concrete as not possessing adequate computer or typing skills while at other times it might be as unnerving as the inability to ask a question in order to receive the help needed to succeed in a class.

I have divided the issues of education shock reported by the participants into two categories: a) academic skills (e.g., typing, note-taking, and listening to lectures); and b) emotional responses (e.g., loneliness, isolation; self-doubt, and disorientation).

In China, few students have access to typewriters and even fewer to computers. As a result, typing is a skill which most Chinese must develop quickly in order to meet American university requirements. In the following section, Xiao Li discussed her struggle learning to type and using the computer lab. Because the lab system is unfamiliar to her, she expressed frustration at trying to learn computer skills without a teacher to guide her.

At first there are many difficulties. For example, here every subject we should type the paper. In China, we seldom type. If we give some tests to the student, just the typists will help us to type. Here everything is new for me.

At first, it take a long time for me to learn the computer. I think time is limited. How can I finish the homework? Ö Right now still my typing speed is very slow. I think this is a very big difficulty for me. Here in the computer lab, whereís the teacher? In China, everything we have teacher, but here we have no teacher. How can I learn?

 Other academic skills that were difficult for the participants were note-taking and comprehending textbooks. In the following selection, Karen discussed how her deficiencies in notetaking and reading affected her competition with American students. In the first semester, of course, even though you think you are fully prepared, you are not. You go to the class and taking notes, and Oh! you cannot take notes. Itís so fast, going too fast! You have to take such effort to read the textbook. Many American students they read once [then] they understand. You have to read twice as much only ten times as much to get all absorbed in your system. Oh, itís hard!. Listening to and comprehending lectures was particularly difficult for all of the participants. In the following quotation, Xiao Li related worry and stress that she would not be able to pass her classes because she cannot fully understand the lectures. My listening and spoken English is not as good as other American students. Maybe the teacher were treating me as equal [with] another native speakers so Iím [my] starting level is lower that other native speakers. Iím afraid of maybe I could not pass the testÖ.I worry too much. If I have no stress, I can understand most of the instructor teaching the class, but if I feel too stressÖ. Maybe thatís a prehinder [hindrance] to keep me from understanding what the teacher says in the class. In sum, all the participants experienced difficulties with specific academic skills such as typing, reading texts, and understanding lectures.

The disparity between an educational system that is familiar and one that is not can affect the emotions leading to such feelings as isolation, insecurity, and disorientation. In the following excerpt, Karen contrasted the individualistic focus of the American system with the collective focus of the Chinese system. Her perceptions of this difference have led to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

The Chinese are more group, collective oriented. Americans are more individualistic. They donít even care so much about helping other students out or studying with other students. Most of the students go to class and study alone. This is hard for Chinese to go to class and study by myself. In China, I donít feel alone. I have friends to go to the library with or eat with in the dorm. In America you go to class and most of the people you donít know and you donít talk to so if you have a question, you have no one to talk to. While Karen experienced feelings of isolation, Jin experienced self doubt and insecurity. Although she has always been highly successful in academic tasks in China and scored extremely high on the TOEFL exam, Jin was filled with doubts about her ability to succeed in the American classroom. She was afraid to ask or answer questions for fear of looking "too childish" or "too stupid" and the fact that she has always been highly successful in Chinese academic settings, thrust Jin into a state of disorientation, one of the symptoms of education shock.

In the following excerpts, Jin describes what the first day of class was like for a fictional student, Xiao Zhang, who came to the U.S. to study. Later, Jin told me that the experiences and feelings that she projected into the discussion of Xiao Zhang were her own.

She [Xiao Zhang] didnít know when to ask question and how to ask question and if her question is worthwhile asking or if other people will think her questions are too childish, too stupid, too simple. And when the professors ask a question and everybody else was just shouting out answers. For her she had to think about those questions for quite awhile and when she thought she had an answer and it was too late the subject was already [pause] she missed the chance alreadyÖ. Oh! This is terrible. Iíve [sheís] never experienced this before because at school in China, she has always been a good student, excellent student, but here she feels she doesnít understand the lecture. And she cannot answer and ask questions and she felt so disoriented, so discouraged, and it is horrible. Like Jin, Karen expresses her fears of being a "fool" when asking questions in class. "If I had a question, usually I would ask the professor after class. But usually I donít ask many questions. Iím afraid of being a fool; that I missed the point."

Self-doubt and a desire to retreat from the difficulties also plagued Xiao Li as she struggled with the question of whether or not to quit school and return to China.

Last semester when I went to school, I think, "Everything seems [more] difficult than I expected"Ö.. I think, "Why I study here? How can I overcome all these difficulties. Shall I retreat or continue?" I told my friends, "Oh! No! I could not study any more. I want to drop off the program. I have a family and I have a good job. I should go back to China. Why are you study here? Everything is so difficult for me!" Education shock has many tentacles(e.g., loneliness, isolation, self-doubt, and disorientation) which choke confidence, support, and hope from the Chinese female scholar in American graduate programs.

Yang Cha Dui

A unique coping mechanism used by the participants was Yang Cha Dui. Yang cha dui is an analogy made by the participants between their experience in the cultural revolution and their sojourn in the United States. Most of the Chinese scholars over the age of 30 have lived through a very difficult period in Chinese history known as the cultural revolution (1966 - 1976). All of the Chinese women in this study have been deeply affected by this part of Chinese history.

It was a time of significant upheaval and tragedy especially for those categorized as intellectuals. Young Chinese students were sent to the countryside to be reeducated by the peasants. This three-year reeducation process consisted of hard physical labor in very primitive conditions. For example, Jinís job was to care for and feed the pigs and dig very deep ditches by hand. She and the other students got up at 3:00 a.m. on winter mornings to carry manure to the fields.

The Chinese refer to the initiation into reeducation as cha dui luo hu or to position oneself in a brigade and learn from the peasants. Today, they compare their sojourn in America to their experiences during the Cultural Revolution using the metaphorical phrase yang cha dui which means to join a foreign brigade. The cultural revolution experience has become a cultural icon or "Öan image that not only represents a deep spiritual reality, but also acts as a vehicle through which a personís attention is brought into true closeness with that reality" (May, 1982, p. 111). In the next excerpt, Xiao Li related how her friends encouraged her by referring to yang cha dui. They told her that if she could endure, ren, the difficulties of the cultural revolution, she can endure in her present circumstances. By referring to yang cha dui, her friends helped to expand her perception of the stress that comes from studying in the United States.

For me there is such an age I experience a lot of difficulties, all kinds of cases. In China I have, do you know the cultural revolution? So during the cultural revolution, I have been to the country side to receive the reeducation from the peasants. So some friends encourage me. "We know you are studying at the United States. The language barrier is difficult. Another issue what kind of [word is not comprehensible] to support your life. Itís not very easy for you. You miss your family and especially your son." They encourage me like this, "No matter how hard it is if you compare your life at the countryside in China, I think you can overcome difficult. Yang cha dui was an important analogy used by the Chinese scholar as a way to cope with the stress and difficulties encountered while studying in a foreign country. It helped them to continue living and working in difficult, confusing, and sometimes highly stressful circumstances.

Conclusion

In this study I asked the question: What is the experience of Mainland Chinese women in American graduate programs? I answered this question through in-depth interviews of three Chinese women who have studied in the United States graduate programs. I used a grounded theory approach to analyze the data as well as a stressful events conceptual framework. Three major stressful events were discussed by all the participants: (a) the decision to leave a child in China while studying in the United States, (b) the anxiety experienced as a result of the separation from family, and (c) education shock.

I identified five coping strategies used by the participants while dealing with these stressful events: (a) self-talk, (b) help seeking, (c) working hard, (d) endurance, and (e) comparing new issues to past situations e.g., their reeducation during the cultural revolution. Available support for the participants came from family (extended and immediate), friends, university peers, professors, and foreign student advisors.

In this paper, I have also discussed my journey as a neophyte researcher designing, implementing, and analyzing a cross-cultural study. Some of the challenges that I experienced were gaining access to participants whose cultural norms discourage the sharing of personal information with outsiders, understanding stressful events from a Chinese perspective of ren, and the struggle to preserve the impact of the participantís voice. As a researcher, it is my hope that through this study the academic community will have a clearer understanding of the Chinese woman scholarís sojourn experience, thereby enabling them to make informed, effective, culturally congruent curricular and instructional decisions regarding the Chinese scholar.

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