Have you ever heard anyone say, “ It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”  Nonverbal communication can impact a conversation as well as a relationship.  Even when we think someone is not communicating, silence can speak volumes about what the other person is thinking or communicating.  Communication between partners is constant.  Our words, lack of words, and our expressions are interpreted by others to say what we are feeling, describe our mood, or say something about our relationships.

Different kinds of nonverbal communication exist.  We offer many nonverbal cues to those around us.  Facial expressions and eye behavior are some of the most important aspects of nonverbal communication.  These types of communication are often the most natural indicator of what someone is thinking because they are difficult to control.  Eye behavior lets others know how we are feeling, whether or not we are interested, our self-confidence and if we are trustworthy or not.

Another important form of nonverbal communication is touching.  Touching is an especially illustrative form of communication in relationships.  An absence of touch between partners can signal messages about feelings.  Touching someone as you are talking to them can indicate affection or sympathy.  Gripping someone may indicate anger and frustration.  It is important to note that touching and verbal communication may not always match.  These interactions can offer good clues as to how your partner may be feeling.

Perhaps the most important aspect of nonverbal communication are the infliction we put on words or phrases.  Suppose you asked your partner, “ Would you like to go to dinner tonight?”  They could respond with “okay”.  Depending on how they say this one word you could interpret their enthusiasm in several different ways.  Think of the different meanings the following responses could have: “oh, okay” (interpreted as willingness but no enthusiasm); “oh kay” (interpreted as an idea that is great); “oh kay” (interpreted as “we’re doing what you want to do again”); and “ ohhh kay”(hesitation is interpreted as “I’ll do it, but I had something else in mind that I prefer doing”).

Nonverbal communication has at least six different functions in communication.

1. Complements our words.  Word are reinforced with nonverbal behavior.  Imagine the difference between someone saying “I love you” and saying “ I love you” and hugging you at the same time.
2. Nonverbal communication may also contradict our verbal communication.  At times the nonverbal communication may be more reliable than the verbal communication.
3. Nonverbal communication repeats the message.  Repeating is different from complementing because complementing cannot stand on its own.
4. Nonverbal communication regulates communication.  People develop signals to let others know approval (nodding yes) or disapproval (frown).
5. Nonverbal communication may substitute for words.  For example you may ask your partner are they pleased with the birthday gift you have given them, they may respond with a huge smile and a passionate kiss.