Practically from infancy, gender differences occur in socialization which make communication patterns different for men and women.

The primary difference involves the message society teaches each sex: for men, it is to value independence; while for women, the message is that intimacy is to be valued most of all.

Men and women have learned different styles of communicating which is based on these societal values.  This learning process starts early in development.  A clear example can be seen in the patterns of play girls and boys exhibit when young, where boys and girls tend to play in same-sex groups.

Boys tend to play in large groups outside, with the group being hierarchical in nature.  They have a leader, who asserts his power by telling others what to do.  This power may be challenged by others, in which case a struggle for power (verbal, physical, or both) takes place.

The games boys play tend to have clear winners and losers, and an elaborate set of rules to follow.  Who is “best” at a particular activity is important, and often becomes equated with status in that group.

Girls’ play is different, in many respects.  Girls tend to play in small groups or in pairs.  The center of their social life is their best friend.  Within the group, intimacy is seen as the key ingredient.  Everyone gets a turn.  Many play activities that lack clear winners or losers, and girls are expected not to boast about their skills or achievements.

Rather than just giving orders, girls make suggestions to the group.  Often, girls may just sit and talk to one another.  They are usually not as concerned with status as with being liked.  In summary, then, boys’ groups tend to be hierarchical, when girls’ groups tend to be egalitarian in nature.

Men tend to view talk as informing-giving or receiving information which is important for getting things done.  Women tend to view talk as relating- a way in which to create and/or maintain a level of closeness or intimacy.

In communication, men tend to be “on the lookout” for evidence that their status is being challenged; such as through “put-downs” or by being told what to do.  Women, during communication, look for subtle shifts in alliance, which might indicate a strengthening or weakening in social ties.

An example of gender difference in communication is problem solving.  Men's’ approaches tend to be those which are goal oriented: they want to analyze the problem, find a solution for it, and then go about solving the problem.  Women often talk about their problems to hear that they are not alone.  A solution to a problem may be sought, but the relating aspect of sharing problems is primary.