|
This link is designed to give you a "quick fix" to a problem you are experiencing with your roommate. To build a better relationship with your roommate, be sure to utilize the other pages on this site. |
Even in the best roommate relationship, conflicts may arise. The following is one way of dealing with a conflict situation:
Step 1 Identify the Problem
This step is important because both roommates must own up to the problem. They must each acknowledge that the problem really exists. This is often the most difficult hurdle. It is not uncommon to hear statements like "It's not my problem." or "It's your problem." When one roommate is upset due to the behavior of the other, it's both individuals' problem.Step 2 Stating the Issue
Have each roommate state their perspective of the problem and most importantly, listen to their roommate's point of view. This is a difficult stage of the negotiations but all too often defensive feelings are the result of a lack of good listening skills by each roommate. Follow this link for help communicating with your roommate without upsetting your roommate.
|
Tip #1
|
Write down exactly what the problem is from your point of view. Avoid "blaming" statements because they tend to antagonize, not benefit, the negotiations. Your roommate should do this too. |
|
Tip #2
|
When writing out your point of view, stick to the issue. If there are some other areas of concern, talk about them at another time. Deal with one problem at a time. |
|
Tip #3
|
Take about a day to come up with this written statement and when you do, get back together, read your statement with no interruptions and show the same courtesy to your roommate. After both statements are completed, you can spend time discussing and refining your point of view. |
|
Tip #4
|
If there is a mutual friend or RA who could listen to your problem, it might be wise to have them listen to your concern and sort out the issues involved. Be sure this person's role is clearly defined as objective arbitrator and not decision maker. |
Step 3 Commitment
After both of you have had a chance to state your perspectives, you should work out the problem by writing an agreement. You may want to do this after brainstorming some possible solutions. This may seem simplistic, but it is an extremely important step.Step 4 Contracting
The contract should include the specifics of the negotiated agreement and it should be signed by all parties involved. The contract should be placed in a conspicuous place in the room where all can see it. Follow this link for help in coming up with a roommate contract.Step 5 Update the Contract
You should review the contract weekly and determine if both people are adhering to the terms of the agreement. If not, re-negotiate and write a new one.Adapted from G.S. Blimling (1995), Hunt Publishing Co.
For additional information on this topic see our links page.