Here are some things to keep in mind when talking with your roommate. These are especially helpful in a conflict situation.
Assertive vs. Aggressive Communication
Communication is essential for a positive relationship
with your roommate. Whether your relationship with your roommate can
withstand the everyday pressures of college life, and the ups and downs of
normal friendships, greatly depends on how well you communicate. Setting
aside time and committing yourselves to talking problems through is necessary
for the relationship to last - and that's regardless of
whether or not you're best friends.
Communication involves a mixture of talking and listening. It is necessary to keep quiet occasionally and really tune into what's happening with your roommate. Also, respect your roommate's rights and opinions.
Don't forget, communication is a two-way process!
Assertive - This form of communication consists of honest, self-enhancing expressions. The speaker shows confident characteristics, as well as general respect for the other person.
Basic- Simple expression of rights, beliefs,
opinions, and feelings
"Excuse me, I’d like to finish what I was saying."
Empathetic- Conveys sensitivity to others while
expressing self
"I know it is hard to tell when the truck will come, but I need an estimate
of the arrival time."
Confrontive- Used when other’s words don’t match your deeds
"I thought we agreed that you would get the flyers printed two days ago.
I noticed today that there were no
flyers, what seems to be the problem?"
Use of "I" Statements- Describing one’s
own feelings about the situation
"When I am being constantly interrupted, I lose my train of thought and start
to feel hurt and angry. I’d like
you to please wait until I am finished speaking."
Aggressive -
This form of communication consists of derogatory, brutally honest and
pushy expressions. The speaker seems to express characteristics
of being righteous and superior. In addition, the speaker is generally
angry and vengeful towards the other person, which usually causes them to feel
hurt and humiliated. Many times the speaker may feel guilt after using
this form of communication.
| Other things to keep in mind:
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For additional information on this topic see our links page.
Timing of discussion- Be mindful of the environment
(i.e. if your roommate just found out they failed a test).